Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Ng Chin Wai, a student from CVE 1281 Trimester 2 2021-2022 T5. I'm hereby to introduce myself to you.
I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic, with the diploma in engineering with business in 2019. I decided to switch from engineering with business to civil engineering as I want to be more specialized for my future career, I went through an internship when I was in polytechnic, and I realized that I showed passion in the building industry. Coincidentally, my father works in this industry. Hence, I am able to seek him for advice in the future as I enter to the work force.
One of my communication strengths is that I show empathy to the people. I consider my social circle is big, I have been seeing many different people in my life, there are people who don't live in well to do family background, hence from there I always show my empathy by putting myself into their shoes, from there I will do my best to help them out if they were to ask. I'm the person that always look up to the people around me, as I know that one can never be perfect, I have different friends that have different skillsets and different views in lives that makes me look up to them sometimes.
One of my communication weakness would be indecisive, as an easy going person can be a negative impact to others. Especially when it comes to decision making, I understand that when I enter the work force I have to lead the people to complete the task, if I were to be indecisive, this would lead me to being irresponsible to my work, hence from this module I hope to be more decisive at my work in the future.
I hope that by the end of this trimester, I am able to speak confidently and well presented to others, as I have been conversing Singlish with friends, which resulted me being lost when it comes to formal presentation. I also hope that by the end of this trimester, I can takeaway critical thinking skill, I am sure that with good critical thinking skill, I am able to survive in the working society.
What makes me special from others is that I am the person whom willing to take up all sorts of challenges. People have been telling me that its impossible to complete, but I always like to prove them wrong, and eventually it can be done sometimes. This always makes me have great sense of achievement.
Warm Regards,
Ng Chin Wai
Year 1 Undergraduate
Added as of 28th Jan 2021
My name is Ng
Chin Wai, a student from CVE 1281 Trimester 2 2021-2022 T5. I'd like to introduce
myself to you.
I graduated from
Nanyang Polytechnic, with the diploma in engineering with business in 2019. I
decided to switch from engineering with business to civil engineering as I want
to be more specialized for my future career. I went through an internship when
I was in polytechnic. I realized that I showed passion in the building
industry. Coincidentally, my father works in this industry as well. Hence, I am
able to seek him for advice in the future as I enter to the work force.
One of my communication
strengths is that I show empathy to the people. I consider my social circle is
big. I have been seeing many different people in my life, there are people who
don't live in well to do family background. Hence, from there I always show my
empathy by putting myself into their shoes. I will do my best to help them out
if they were to ask me. I'm the person that always look up to the people around
me, as I know that one can never be perfect. I have different friends that have
different skillsets and different views in lives. This makes me look up to them
sometimes.
One of my communication weaknesses
would be indecisive, as an easy-going person can be a negative impact to
others. Especially, when it comes to decision making. I understand that when I
enter the work force. I have to lead the people to complete the task. If I were
to be indecisive, this would lead me to being irresponsible to my work. Hence,
from this module I hope to be more decisive at my work in the future.
I hope that by the end of
this trimester, I am able to speak confidently and well presented to others. I
have been conversing Singlish with friends. It resulted me being lost when it
comes to formal presentation. I also hope that by the end of this trimester, I
can takeaway critical thinking skill. I am sure that with good critical
thinking skill, I am able to survive in the working society.
What makes me special
from others is that I am the person who is willing to take up all sorts of
challenges. People have been telling me that it’s impossible to complete those
certain tasks, but I always like to prove them wrong. Eventually, it can be
done sometimes. This always makes me have great sense of achievement.
Warm Regards,
Ng Chin Wai
Year 1
Undergraduate
This email has good transition from paragraph to paragraph. It prepares the reader for what is to come in the following paragraph. You have done a good job making sure the content is related to the task given. However is an error in the sentence " I have to leader the people ". I believe the word "leader" should be replaced with "lead".
ReplyDeleteThank you Wailian for the comment
DeleteThe letter is easy to read and flows fluently. It tackles all required points of the instructional unit. However, do take note of run-on sentences! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Gerryl for the comment
DeleteDear Chin Wai,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this detailed letter. You've covered the scope of the assignment brief, and we learn quite a bit about you in the process. For starters, we learn that your engineering study has relevance to your interest in the building industry, the same industry within which your father is employed. At the same time, I'd like to know more about that. What sort of company does your dad work in, and specifically, what sort of engineering does he focus on? Explaining these points would give more depth to the content.
Your classmates have critiqued the language use. I'd add that I found many cases of 'run on sentences' (or comma splice) in the letter and a few other issues:
1. phrasing / word issues
-- I'm hereby to introduce myself to you. > I'd like to introduce myself to you.
-- I went through intern... > I went through an internship....
-- What makes me special from others is that I am the person whom willing to take up all sorts of challenges. > What makes me special from others is that I am the person WHO IS willing to take up all sorts of challenges.
2. sentence structure issues (!)
-- Coincidentally, my father works in this industry as well, hence I am able to seek him for advice in the future as I enter to the work force. > (comma splice/run on sentence)
Coincidentally, my father works in this industry as well. Hence, I am able to seek him for advice in the future as I enter to the work force.
-- I consider my social circle is big, I have been seeing many different people in my life, there are people who don't live in well to do family background, hence from there I always show my empathy by putting myself into their shoes, from there I will do my best to help them out if they were to ask. > ? (comma splice/run on sentence)
-- I'm the person that always look up to the people around me, as I know that one can never be perfect, I have different friend... > ? (comma splice/run on sentence)
-- Especially when it comes to decision making, I understand that when I enter the work force I have to lead the people to complete the task, if I were to be indecisive, this would lead me to being irresponsible to my work, hence from this module I hope to be more decisive at my work in the future. > ? (comma splice/run on sentence)
-- I also hope that by the end of this trimester, I can takeaway critical thinking skill, I am sure that with good critical thinking skill, I am able to survive in the working society. > ?
3. ambiguity
-- People have been telling me that its impossible to complete... > (What is impossible to complete?)
I hope you can revise the letter and improve the language use.
Thanks in advance for your effort.
Best wishes,
Brad
Thank you professor for the feedback, I have a clear direction in rectifying my mistakes
Delete